He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
