You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
