I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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