My first STD was from a foam party
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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