I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
