i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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