so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
