yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
this is an emotional support booty call
how drunk are you?
Several
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
