her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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