Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
