at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
