It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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