as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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