so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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