So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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