And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
