i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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