OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
