Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't deserve a penis
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
