Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
