You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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