Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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