just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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