what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
