I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
