she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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