ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
