Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
