there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
