her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I won't apologize to a one balled man
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
