Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
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