i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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