I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
