I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
