Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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