I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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