I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
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I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
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most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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