Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
