these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
