Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
barbara walters just said penis...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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