Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
