And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Rumble strips road head = magical
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Sext me about skeletons
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
