I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
