I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
