I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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