just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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