TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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