Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
