I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
