she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
