Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
