drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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