too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
