Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
