he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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