dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize