is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
