Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize