what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
