Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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