I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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