Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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