I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
