I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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