Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
