He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.