sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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