i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
