My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.