No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
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I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.