the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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