I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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