he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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