You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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