so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
