Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(908): View more from New Jersey

i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"

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(908): i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits" http://tfl.nu/grvc

Replies (45) Good night (3949) Bad night (1095)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.

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(413): In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does. http://tfl.nu/f5ii

Replies (48) Good night (7929) Bad night (2010)
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(614): View more from Ohio

i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.

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(614): i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat. http://tfl.nu/0ifj

Replies (9) Good night (3595) Bad night (1745)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.

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(508): I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle. http://tfl.nu/gqi2

Replies (8) Good night (5199) Bad night (1318)
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(786): View more from Florida

i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"

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(786): i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy" http://tfl.nu/v0t3

Replies (6) Good night (4163) Bad night (979)
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(937): View more from Ohio

Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.

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(937): Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it. http://tfl.nu/m5np

Replies (9) Good night (3569) Bad night (1031)
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(407): View more from Florida

I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.

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(407): I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down. http://tfl.nu/6857

Replies (5) Good night (2864) Bad night (942)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.

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(423): I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex. http://tfl.nu/g9ms

Replies (6) Good night (1474) Bad night (581)
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(360): View more from Washington

I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist

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(360): I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist http://tfl.nu/4ea1

Replies (12) Good night (615) Bad night (1914)
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(464): View more from Illinois

He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.

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(464): He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit. http://tfl.nu/lyxm

Replies (10) Good night (2471) Bad night (637)
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(509): View more from Washington

Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.

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(509): Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god. http://tfl.nu/tkyh

Replies (8) Good night (392) Bad night (1346)
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(760): View more from California

I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.

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(760): I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays. http://tfl.nu/jyu4

Replies (4) Good night (699) Bad night (342)
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(240): View more from Maryland

You said dick pics aren't attractive

(301): View more from Maryland

Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3

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(240): You said dick pics aren't attractive (301): Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3 http://tfl.nu/0mk5

Replies (4) Good night (1049) Bad night (304)
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(847): View more from Illinois

Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll

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(847): Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll http://tfl.nu/osu5

Replies (0) Good night (239) Bad night (442)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.

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(616): Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara. http://tfl.nu/f265

Replies (2) Good night (389) Bad night (140)

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