I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
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she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She bit a glass in half.
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Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?