Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.

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  (508): He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think. http://tfl.nu/5bqt
  Replies (36) Good night (6405) Bad night (618)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (7174) Bad night (757)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation

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  (704): someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation http://tfl.nu/fra5
  Replies (15) Good night (4362) Bad night (1225)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.

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  (203): Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again. http://tfl.nu/p8rx
  Replies (11) Good night (1260) Bad night (2641)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?

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  (480): How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night? http://tfl.nu/kz3y
  Replies (19) Good night (5484) Bad night (1033)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.

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  (316): Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out. http://tfl.nu/ipe4
  Replies (6) Good night (1499) Bad night (787)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?

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  (678): Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting? http://tfl.nu/j29m
  Replies (11) Good night (2360) Bad night (639)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.

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  (870): I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that. http://tfl.nu/0bow
  Replies (21) Good night (750) Bad night (1214)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Am I going to be on condom boxes?

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  (803): You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time. (1-803): Am I going to be on condom boxes? http://tfl.nu/pwx5
  Replies (3) Good night (2335) Bad night (499)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.

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  (317): Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck. http://tfl.nu/efut
  Replies (6) Good night (597) Bad night (721)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me

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  (413): Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me http://tfl.nu/3euu
  Replies (7) Good night (565) Bad night (1082)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?

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  (832): So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid? http://tfl.nu/r78n
  Replies (3) Good night (494) Bad night (671)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.

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  (330): We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages. http://tfl.nu/bck0
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (339)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.

  (1-773): View more from Illinois

  That's my new pick up line call me a polish name

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  (773): And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad. (1-773): That's my new pick up line call me a polish name http://tfl.nu/jbx5
  Replies (5) Good night (951) Bad night (365)
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  (510): View more from California

  How do we stop her downward spiral?

  (1-510): View more from California

  Wine. For us.

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  (510): How do we stop her downward spiral? (1-510): Wine. For us. http://tfl.nu/x3co
  Replies (6) Good night (634) Bad night (337)

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