I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?