he shaved USA in his pubs
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
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The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT